The Trial
by AlanAlexHolc
Summary: It was an accident, yet as much as Red wants to argue that his actions are just, he has no choice but to attend the trial. In the end, the judge will decide what will become of him. Supposedly, it's nothing serious, but if Red knows the judge like he does, he knows it's not good. Angry Birds Human AU. This is just a short story, a work in progress. Rated T for heavy swearing.


Let me just start by saying—and excuse me for my choice of words—that life's a bitch.

Don't even try to deny it! We all know it's true. Everyone knows that for a minute you think that life's going great, all of your problems are solved, and you'll live the rest of your miserable life in peace like any normal person. And the next thing you know, it's come back to bite you in the ass.

You're probably thinking to yourself, "Who the hell is this guy? Why is he so pessimistic?" Well, you know what? I'll tell you why I'm oh-so pessimistic! And once I do you'll understand the absolute bullshit of it all.

I'll paint you a picture here: imagine a small town on a minuscule island off the coast of Florida. The locals like to call it Bird Island for our rare bird community and famously known mountain top in the vague shape of an eagle head. It's nothing particularly special. Just a landmass with white sand beaches and luscious jungles with a group of mountains for that little cherry on top. If you were to walk up to any common Joe, they'd say that it sounds nice enough, right? Almost like a tropical paradise.

Sure. Yet being such a tiny town nearly cut off from the rest of the world, anything even remotely exciting happens everywhere except here. It's one of the most boring places in the world. And when something big occurs within its perimeters, the whole town is drawn to the drama like moths to a flame. So when everyone had heard of a guy having a rage episode at a kid's birthday party/little brother's birth, who were the first ones to arrive at the court? You already know.

We only have one courthouse. A small, all-too elegant building with white marble columns and tall pine doors that have been polished and swept one too many times since it was built back in the mid-1850s. Our current judge makes it one of his top priorities to keep the place spik and span as if he were expecting a visit from the Queen of England.

It's not like he has anything better to do rather than try to find more ways to appear taller than a Hobbit.

The chairs of the courtroom are all filled with people who are all too eager to see how this plays out as if watching an episode on a court television show, only now they have front row seats to the live event. I bet they're wishing they had a box of popcorn with them to enjoy this new form of entertainment.

I bet I stick out like a sore thumb amongst the audience. The natives here all look somewhat similar with their dark and sunburnt auburn hair, lighter eye colors, natural tans, and of course their horrible taste in rather extravagant, colorful wardrobe. In short, they're all a bunch of beach bums who never quite got past the '80s.

Me, on the other hand, let's just say that you can tell that my ancestry doesn't trace back to the colonization of this little island. Shaggy red hair, pale skin, dark brown eyes, and a load of freckles are all thanks to my heritage. Despite being raised here, I never was able to resemble the locals in the least.

I sit in my own chair as the woman recites her teary-eyed, heartfelt monologue as if she was quoting Shakespeare. The judge frowns down at me, beady eyes trained on my every move. I smile up at his glare weakly at the intensity, but I remain unflinching as I listen to the mother speak with such emotion.

This is so stupid. This is so, so stupid.

I mean, it was an accident. It really was. Well, not all of it. Some parts may or may not have been intentional but…

Let me explain: I work at a birthday service company, the only one in this godforsaken town. I was delivering an order when I accidentally sat on the box. I had to run back to the store and get a whole new box while not trying to be late, then trying not to get killed running through a patch of undomesticated jungle. When I finally got to the house, I received a phone call saying to meet him at the hospital because his wife went into labor. Once there, I was met with the sleazeball of a man claiming that I was making up excuses for being late (when I wasn't) and wanted me to pay for the cake.

So I had to pay for the cake all because I didn't think to go to the hospital of all places for the kid's birthday party?! Because it was my fault that his wife just had to have a baby at this time and day?!

You can imagine just how pissed off I was.

Dear reader, do I have a temper? Yeah, sure.

Do I get mad easily? You know what, yeah. Hell yeah, I do! And I had every right to be back then because the bastard was just a fucking asshole!

One thing led to another and we ended being led to the delivery room where I bravely slammed the gluten-free cake all over his smug face, smearing the frosting furiously. His wife (who was in the middle of delivering a baby) and son were there to witness, and at the moment I felt incredibly victorious.

Only then did things turn south. I was walking out of the room in all of my high and mighty glory when I suddenly slipped on some leftover residue of the cake and fell right in front of the doctor delivering the child and of all things, the baby landed right into my hands.

Not gonna lie, it was a gross to be holding a brand spanking new baby still covered in goo, but what was even worse was that the family was absolutely infuriated because I was the first person to hold him. That I had robbed them of their child's very first few moments of life.

It was an accident. It was a literal, fucking accident!

And now here I am, being sued for it.

The woman allows her voice to crack a couple of dozen times as she speaks. "Your Honor. Our family has always practiced natural childbirth, the risks of having a c section are too great. There was going to be music. The room was going to be full of… beautiful fresh cut flowers. And the first two faces he was going to see were the loving faces of his mother and his father."

She held back a sob as she clutched her husband's arm. Said husband allowed a tear to shed from his eye, splattering onto their newborn baby's soft blue beanie. He gingerly hands the infant to the woman and wraps an arm around his young, older son who probably has no idea what's going on.

"We can never get that moment back." She whimpers.

What a load of bullshit.

I stand to my feet and walk to the family, each member gives me the stink eye. "Ma'am, I never wanted my face to the first face your the baby saw," I say despite the load of crap they're performing. I'm on the fence and getting peeved for the audience falling for their little act won't help me. "What are we talking about here? He probably doesn't even remember me."

I turn to the baby who stares up at me with the biggest pair of hazel eyes I have ever seen. Upon sight, the child coos and reaches out towards me as if he wants to be held. He babbles cutely, but I am in no way floored by his actions. This only proves that he has in some form of way imprinted with me.

Shit!

"Shh, stop it!" I hiss.

Not helping! Not helping! Definitely not helping!

The father of the baby growls under his breath, large teeth grinding together.

Obviously, he sees the connection.

Goddammit! Shut it!

I step away for fear that the man will do more than snarl at me like a rabid dog. "Ladies and gentlemen. Am I a passionate man? Yes. Guilty as can be." I state, turning to the many persons watching, hoping the baby will stop and ignore me for the rest of the trial and hopefully his entire life. "It was a quality cake. Look, I worked very hard to get it there on time. And he wouldn't even try it."

"Mr. Red," The judge says above me in a gravelly, soulful tone. If he were to be anyone else, I would assume he'd be Morgan Freeman with a voice like that. "we are a happy, happy community. Under the protection of Mighty Eagle," He points to a statue of the legendary hero of the town that stands behind him like a holy shrine.

The statue is that of a man with a broad chest and a handsome face, don in a plain suit and swooshing hair. His bronze eyes gaze outwards as if searching for something, something breezing along the horizon that has caught his attention. The golden figure gleams in the streaming sunlight of the windows. In all actuality, it looks like Superman had been coated in gold paint when dressing as Clark Kent and was told to stand still.

"We work, we play, we laugh, we love, and we live our lives free from conflict and strife, sir." The judge rambles.

"You love the sound of our own voice too, evidently," I mumble to myself.

"So now, what am I to make of the likes of you. There seems to be a recurring issue here." He pauses for what I believe is supposed to be for dramatic effect.

Oh come on! Can't we just get this done and over with?

"Anger." The judge states as if he were saying some form of unwanted disease.

I scoff. "I don't think I have an anger issue, I think you got an anger issue."

The audience starts to whisper amongst one another at my statement. The judge himself seems to have been affected by my words more strongly. His scowl deepens, his beetle black eyes are stone cold.

"Anger," he drawls, "is a weed growing in our garden. And what do you do when you find a weed?" He leans over the podium so that he is directly above me. I can practically smell the salami sandwich he had for lunch.

"I don't know. But I bet you're going to tell me." I say in my smart-aleck way I use constantly. Everyone else hates, and that's why I love it.

"You pluck it out!' His voice booms throughout the entirety of the room, bouncing off the walls effectively. I stay motionless. "Mr. Red. When you moved your house outside of our village, did you notice that nobody tried to stop you?"

Ouch! That hit a sore spot. He clearly knows where the chinks in the armor are because he had struck a home run hit.

"People, they may smile at you on the street, but that doesn't mean they like you." He says matter of factly.

He just had to go there, didn't he?

Doesn't he know that I already know this? That all of their grinning and waving and stupid friendliness are nothing but a facade? That deep down, they can't wait for me to walk from their village and into the confines of my home? That I'm nothing but the damn outcast on this stinking island?!

I huff out a long drag of air, clutching the space between my eyes.

I can already feel it. The exhilarating, intoxicating sensation of my temper boiling in the pit of my stomach like a witch's cauldron. My fury was on the brink of spewing into an eruption of fiery anger.

"Mm-Hm. Hey, you know what? I got a question for you. Are you aware that, that robe you're wearing isn't fooling anybody?" I ask, venom slavering over my tongue dangerously.

The judge's eyes widen and he tucks his head into the confines of his collar like a turtle hiding in its shell. It only feeds the inferno burning within me.

"We all see you prancing along the street, your Honor. And, you're what? And I'm just approximating here. Like an inch tall!"

The audience flinches at my words like the unthinkable had just been said.

It's not like they don't know. Come on! It's so ridiculously obvious. So ridiculously, fucking obvious.

Do I feel guilty? Not at all. Not one bit. It's not like he didn't just do the exact same thing to me not two seconds ago. He deserves it.

The judge takes a moment to recollect himself from being so exposed (putting aside the fact of just how blatantly apparent it is). "Mr. Red, given the severity of the crimes, I have no choice but to impose the maximum penalty allowed by the law." He pauses once, but this time I am fully enraptured by what is to come next. "Anger management class."

What?!

"Aw. Fuck my life."

Author's Note: What do y'all think? I know there's not a lot of fanfics about this movie, but I thought that it would be cool to start writing some of my own. This is just a short story I'm testing to see if anyone would be interested. It's the first of a series I'm coming up with. If you like it, follow and favorite for more. And if not, well then… I don't know what to tell ya. Also, later I will be doing SilverxRed stories. If you're into that, you'll definitely enjoy them. Anyway, thanks for reading!


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